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When people ask what I do for a living I have long said "I am a bellydance teacher and performer." When I think about it, I can see that I am answering a question that wasn't asked. Isn't this a response we all give equally casually?
"What do you DO?" they ask. And we answer "I AM a..." There's a subtle but important distinction between the question and the answer.
The former is an action or a behavior, and the latter is a statement of self-definition.
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I just want to say that this is an excellent issue, one I've been thinking about a lot lately, and one I don't have any answers to!
ReplyDeleteSpecific sub-issues I've identified are:
+Our culture's expectation that one will find a Dream Job that will perfectly utilize what one is, and turn it into what one does. You're absolutely right--by 35, you're supposed to be a grown-up who knows exactly who you are and are working at a completely fulfilling job (so fulfilling you don't need hobbies!) and married and have a house with a white picket fence and nice hardwood floor (and preferably kids and a golden retriever, too). People feel pressured to live up to this ideal!
+Many years of education being required for certain professions (my own future profession included) that, through the many years of struggle and sacrifice and devotion and training, shapes who you are. It's tough to draw a line between who you are and what you do when both have so intimately informed each other.
+Being part of a profession that rewards who you are. This is particularly true for me as a scientist--For all the talk about girl power, I recieved messages every day as I was growing up that girls aren't supposed to approach life as I do. When I approached problems scientifically (which is simply how my brain works), I was told I needed to 'open up' more, be more 'emotional', that I needed to 'be more creative', or point-blank that I needed to dumb myself down. Boys were never told these things! One of the very first places where I've been accepted for who I am and how I naturally think is in the scientific community, and at my work. My work is also deeply satisfying to me, because it does mirror how my brain works! It would be very easy to let my work dominate my life (more than it does already), because it was one of the first places I've been accepted as the type of thinker I am, and as part of a predominantly female lab, I'm surrounded by other women who "get it".
+"Who I am" is so freaking complicated. Does anyone ever know who they are? It's just easier to answer stuff with your occupation, and not really think about what one values, and how that informs how you choose to spend your time and money. It's tough stuff to think about! I've been thinking a lot about that lately as a graduating college student/aspiring doctor, and it involves looking at the icky underbelly of yourself, and it's absolutely no fun! Some days, I ignore the whole thing and pretend who I am and what I do are the same thing, even though deep down, I know differently.
I really think there's something to the fluidity you talk about, but how does one detach oneself from one's job and relationships, particularly if they are usually fulfilling? What does that mean, to be detached? Is that neccessarily a good thing?